harrysthefather:

my parents literally never gave me the sex talk they just sent me to public school  

starksexual:

i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it

emilioestevez:

story time

so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.

circumcisions:

procrastinators are able to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in the 30 minutes before it’s due

gargoylesarecool:

ectoghostologist:

i love being tight with teachers because you get to hear them talk shit about other teachers its so funny they all act like highschoolers except they get paid 

They talk shit about other students if they like you enough too.